Welcome to the latest edition of True Romance. I can promise you right out of the gate that we're not going to let the news of Amy Schumer losing a bunch of weight and then filing for divorce drag us down.
That's not going to happen. Not on my watch. Neither is the news that Nicole Kidman finalized her divorce from Keith Urban. Good for them. She can now play the role of cougar in real life, if she so chooses.
That's up to her and no one should ever suggest that all the cougar action on film played a role in her divorce. She's a professional and damn you for thinking it had anything to do with the divorce, if you did.
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I don’t plan to dive into Tom Brady's possible missed connection with the lovely and talented Alix Earle. The reported flirty, boozy fun with "zero hookup" is their business.
What I am going to do is some self reflection this week. We're in a new year and people like to do that, or so I hear. I'm not one of them. Maybe I'm not a person. Maybe I'm lazy or maybe there's too much darkness in there.
Who knows? I'm not going to think too much about it because why would I? This self-reflection has to do more with us as a people, not necessarily as individuals.
How did I end up here? I was dragged here by a tale of a cheating wife and her mom who babysits so she can cheat on her husband while he's out of town.
Have we gone too far? Or have we finally reached an optimal spot as a people?
Romance is worth having the best of both worlds even if you need a trusted lookout to pull it off, right? Grandma never liked the husband anyway, and if it puts a smile on her daughter's face, what's the harm?
Sure, there will be consequences for the kids when the affair is eventually uncovered. Therapy bills will pile up as they try to unpack their mom cheating on their dad with the help of their grandmother.
But all that is in the future. That's not right now. Did you miss the part about the smile being back on the married woman's face because she's running around behind her husband's back? That's an important part, and we shouldn’t lose sight of it.
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Sally, a 61-year-old grandmother, says her favorite thing to do is babysit her two grandchildren so that her daughter Sophie, 36, can cheat on her husband.
If that isn’t the type of love between a mother and daughter that fills your heart, I don’t know what is. Grandma doesn’t like her daughter's husband, and it doesn’t sound like she ever has.
"Everyone thinks my daughter has the perfect family life — married for more than a decade, with two charming children and a gorgeous home, she wrote in The Sun.
"But only I know that she has secretly been cheating on the father of her children for the past three years And I’m not just willing to help her in her deception, I’m absolutely delighted about it."
Sally has always thought that Sophie could have done better. She expected the relationship to fizzle out after meeting her daughter's husband Dave.
When it didn’t, and she learned they were going to get married, she held out hope that her daughter wouldn’t go through with it.
He'd forget birthdays and skip family events and when he did make it to the family events he'd flirt with other women in front of Sophie.
They did get married and they had two kids. He didn’t help out with the kids at all and would stay out late after work, leaving Sophie with them.
"Outwardly, they looked like the perfect, happy family — but I knew Sophie was beginning to resent him. I’d like to meet the man who has made her so happy, but the less I know, the less covering my tracks I need to do," Grandma continued.
"Sometimes, Sophie will tell Dave, in front of me, that she’s coming over to my house to help me with something — but I know she’s not going to turn up. I’m happy to be her cover."
Dave's too arrogant to believe that his wife would cheat on him. Sophie isn’t going to leave her husband while her kids are young. Grandma hopes she does one day. She doesn’t care if it's right or wrong helping her daughter cheat.
"As a mother, I want to do everything in my power to make sure her life is happy — and if that means helping her cheat on her husband, so be it. If Dave were a better man, I’d possibly encourage her to work on the marriage," she said.
The affair has been going on for three years now. It started with drinks while her husband was on a golf trip. Now every time he goes out of town, usually a couple of times a month, Sally watches the kids while they're sleeping, so mom can cheat on their dad.
"It’s nice to see her smile again. I feel like I’ve got my daughter back. Because she’s cheerful, the children seem happier, too. It’s the best thing that has ever happened to her and her kids," Sally claims.
Look at that. A mother and daughter bonding over a secret affair that the husband doesn’t know about and probably doesn’t even care about.
They think they're getting away with something, but I suspect Dave isn’t keeping it in his pants either.
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Here's an experiment we can get behind. Or in front of, or whatever position you feel like. A woman by the name of Brittany Gibbons hopped into her bed with her husband for 365 days straight.
That was three years ago, and she says it had a lasting impact. A stronger core, better flexibility, fantastic cardio, interestingly enough, were not among the things she mentioned.
The mom of three got the idea from a friend of hers who had made the daily commitment to hitting the sheets and reported that it helped her relationship. Brittany and her husband weren’t in any trouble when they went into it.
It was a challenge, she says, reports Lad Bible, to "save herself." If only others out there were in need of saving themselves.
"Having sex every day for a year seemed obnoxious but also an intriguing way to force myself into facing my body each day. I mean, eventually, the covers would have to come off, and the lights would have to stay on, right?," she said.
"As the months passed, I started looking forward to it. Sex begat more sex, and those connected, loved-up feelings began to creep outside of the bedroom - or, in our case, the laundry room, the closet, and our garage - and into our everyday lives."
This led to more romance between the couple. Although, after 365 days in a row, they were looking forward to a little bit of a break. Her "pelvis and thighs welcomed the rest."
"However, the effects and lessons from the experience are still apparent in our marriage even now. First, we learned that it's hard, and that's normal. The majority of people around you are not having sex every single day," she said of the experiment.
"They're busy being stressed at work, coordinating their kids' soccer schedules, and paying bills. Fitting sex into all of that is difficult, but, for us, it's necessary. Sex is what reminds us we're intimate partners and not just roommates in charge of keeping kids alive."
The big takeaways from the year of banging every day is that she feels good about herself, and they were able to discover that "Intimacy doesn't always mean penetration."
Who knew?
"It was never about anyone wanting me - it was about me wanting myself. And it only took an entire year of getting laid to figure that out."
Now to the experiences of those who have had a sugar daddy. There's a wide range from fancy dinners and expensive gifts, to those who turn down the offers of acquiring a sugar daddy.
The "I've had offers but said no" crowd are a special bunch. I'm hot enough to pull it off, I just choose not to. I'd love to hear more from them, but this isn’t just about them. It's about all sugar daddy experiences.
Special thanks to the cesspool that is Reddit:
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That's all for this week. Let's do it again next week. As always, you can reach me, anonymously if you prefer, at sean.joseph@outkick.com. Again, go follow along on Twitter and on Facebook.
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